ROUGH

It's just getting harder and harder, guys.

I'm going through so many emotional trials right now; I feel like my whole body is going to explode. Basically though, it's just sadness. Like, unbearable sadness. And for once, I'm going to articulate it as a sort of counterpart to that previous novel of a post, rather than sort of let it all gush out uncontrollably. Here goes.

I'm still going through this whole thing with my dad, and my pressure to keep up with him and all, but that's not really it. Well, for now at least. My problem as of late is more in my social circle, rather than family circle.

So, I have this friend.
This friend probably knows who they are.
If they see this, I just might get some heat for it.
But, anyway.

So, my friend and I have known each other since last year, respectively. In fact, and this is a little weird, but I actually know the exact date and time when we met for the first time; it was August 5th 2011, at 6:42 pm. I know this because it was at a concert, and it was my first concert ever. I still have the flyer. And as my friend said my name, I was checking my watch. So, there ya have it. We didn't really ever get together during the summer. We had a class together when school started though, and we sat right next to each other.

By this point, this person ought to be certain it's them. Just pointing it out.

We got aquatinted, and we became friends really quickly. She even came over to my house every day for that entire week. It was great. And then, out of the blue, nothing. She stopped talking to me for a day. Just a day. Then, we were friends again. You may be saying, "Aw, James, a day ain't so bad. You'll cheer up." And you're most certainly right; I did. But that's aside the point. Point is, this became a pattern. Nothing too harsh; just that she wouldn't come over for a while, or I wouldn't go to her house, etc. We were still friends at school. So, our friendship waned a little every so often, only to wax a little more.
So, last weekend, I did fun stuff with this friend of mine. It was great. But now, this person won't talk to me. Avoids me like the plague. I know it's to be expected; part of the cycle. But the cycle hasn't ever gone this long. Don't know why; no idea what I did. In fact, the only thing this person has said to me in the entire week is "Hi James Talbot." Twice.

I'm dying, here, guys.

I'm confused.

So is he.

All these thoughts a-runnin' through my head...

I just want to point something out.

I'm an emotional tumbleweed. I am so easily swayed from happy to sad. Honestly. I was walking through the halls today, feeling like a million bucks, and one person gave me a strange look, and I took it to heart. The whole next period was the worst of my life. I honestly hated it so much. And I'm pretty sure the rest of my day was ruined as well. BECAUSE OF ONE LOOK.

So, y'all remember that post a while back? That one that was all, "Hey guys, I'm gonna change! Life's gonna be good!" Yeah, that is looking pretty far off right about now. So I think I'm gonna need all the help I can get to stay happy.

I hope this is sincere enough.

I don't know what I did to offend you.

But I'm truly sorry for it.

Sorry for the monotony.

Sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysprrysorrysprrusorry.

Cuz you know, that's all I ever say.

Well, basically, this will just be a post about this weekend. Here we go, guys!

Friday was great. One of the best (if not THE best) days of my adolescence.
Saturday was decent.
Sunday sucked.

Essentially on Friday, me and a bunch of friends went to "prom" and it was so fun. The night consisted of getting Italian food that just might've been Spaghetti-O's and Hamburger Helper, then going to watch the real prom-goers at promenade, and getting gelato. And one could never forget the cheerful exclamations of "YOLO!"
and "420!" It was seriously the best night with the best people.

Saturday was pretty cluttered for me. I did some chores n' stuff, then I took some pictures of Michael Arts' band recording at Muse. It was kind of boring, not gonna lie; but at the same time, it was way cool to hear all the parts come together. After that, I played pool at the Danburry barber shop, and then went to film a video for Trevor Christensen. Then, me and my BFF/gay boyfriend James went aimlessly driving/stalking women with loud Mexican music playing. That was good. But then I got depressed for some reason (don't ask me why) and I just wanted to die a little. And before you knew it, I was listening to sad music and trying to fall asleep on my couch.

Sunday was just everything bad that happened on Saturday night times a million. I just got depressed, and started thinking about religion and stuff. I went to the mission farewell of a good friend, and the wheels in my mind wouldn't stop turning during his talk. I guess you could say I'm having doubts; you could also say I'm religiously bipolar. Some days, I'm just so happy that I'm like; "Dude! Life is so great! There's no way this isn't true!" And some days, like today, I was thinking so hard about everything that I just didn't even want to believe. So, I don't know, guys. I don't know how my life is gonna turn out. I don't know if my kids are gonna turn out as messed up as me. I don't know if I'm even gonna have kids. I don't even know if I'll even get married. I don't know if I'll ever even get a girlfriend.


However, I DO know that Monday will be 80 degrees and sunny. That'll be nice.

Anti-Prom.

So, like I said earlier, tonight was fun.

Never mind the last one.

I AM FREAKIN' HAPPY.

I don't even know why. But tonight, me and a bunch of peeps are doing a not prom. We're basically dressing up and getting dinner.

I'M WEARING 50'S CLOTHES AND DANCING TO JAZZ MUSIC AND I FEEL SOOOO GOOD!!!

So tonight'll be a ball.